my daily reflections…

lettin go, especially the shit which i had used to self-centeredly protect myself from the perceived harms of the outside world, these secrets i was usin which i shouldnt have been usin, meant i had to have a faith and trust in the relationship i had built with my HP. when i first came to the 4th and 5th step i was told i couldnt keep the shit that held me captive to myself and God. i had to give it up to another person. havin done that, i wouldve thought it easy to let go my secrets and be totally free from em by truly givin em to my HP. i had to really let go and let God; genuinely dependent of His guidance, to gain a sense of sincere humility. i used to think holdin on to shit made me strong, but recovery taught me, then showed me, lettin go is what honestly made me humble. feelin naked in a world i had feared anybody know who i was, and lettin God strip me free, i began to understand how powerful faith, trust, and the relationship i had with Him was. this became a deep understandin of the power in self i truly never had. it was another breakin of self i needed to experience. i began to understand the more i let go of holdin on, the more i could hold on to the beauty of what my HP was unfoldin before me. i get to let Him decide. 1 day @ a time...