“I don’t know how.”

How often have I said this? Believed this? And made it the reason for not moving forward.

I don’t know how to do a website or market my material.

I don’t know how to set up a financial portfolio.

I don’t know how to make a trip to Africa happen.

I have done many things in my life that I haven’t known how. And yet, I found a way and accomplished them.

I didn’t’ know how I was going to teach aerobics and live in Italy in the early 80’s.

I didn’t know how I was going to conceive a child when I hadn’t been able for 10 years.

I didn’t know how I would deal with my husband’s addiction and recovery

I didn’t know how I’d heal myself from my own bulimia.

I am reminded that not knowing is a default pattern—a holding space that seemingly buys us time. It is a quasi- acceptable place of indecision. (Unless you’re a kid and we demand that you KNOW!). It’s a place where we get to look active without really being active. It’s kind of like calling “safe,” a random spot when playing tag, allowing us to not be tagged.

But is it really safe?

I believe that not knowing is normal, even mandatory, especially when contemplating the bigger questions. However, when we allow “not knowing” to be the defining end, it is anything but safe.

I was coaching a client recently, who answered virtually every question with “I don’ know.” She felt stuck and didn’t know why.

“Not Knowing” seems to be a defining end. The proverbial period at the end of a sentence–one, which allowed no further inquiry.

A dead end

SO much of what we do, we don’t know, until we start doing it. Doing something, gives us feedback:  It let’s us know whether we are moving towards what we want or away from it. Doing allows us to course correct. Much like our car’s GPS, we must MOVE before we get further instructions.

“Proceed to the route” My GPS smugly directs and I scream back, “I DON”T KNOW WHERE THE ROUTE IS!”

So I hit the gas and go. Inevitably I choose wrong, a trait passed along from my geographically challenged mother, but then my GPS tells me to make a U-turn or it re-routes me giving me feedback.

From my client’s “safe” spot of not knowing or moving, she truly was stuck.

What’s the magic 3 letter word that can change everything?

The word “YET”

Yet can act as an activator, an accelerant.

I don’t know, yet…

“Yet” implies an answer is forthcoming.

I think of “yet” as a question mark.

I think of “Yet” as the magic drop of water I place on the dehydrated toy, that when applied, swells up into a recognizable form.

“I don’t know, yet” implies,

 I will know. I want to know.  I am knowing.

If  “I don’t know” is your safe default pattern, consider adding YET as a means of inquiry.

Just a little crack in the opening of possibility and discovery is enough to activate the desire that’s awaiting your application of this magic accelerant.

Make Believe~Make Belief Affirmation: Today I will practice acting as if I know.