my daily reflections…

one of the best things i ever heard early in my recovery was, “try it for 30 days, if it dont work, go back to doin shit the way ya wanna.” its somethin that has carried me through my recovery and proven to me that when im wrapped in fear and anger, i am my own worst enemy. it helped me to understand that by usin faith and tryin somethin that i didnt come up with, might work for me when i placed my will, my ego, and self-sufficiency, behind my HPs will. when im lookin into the depths of my actions, behaviors, or thinkin, i can get fearful. i want to know and understand everythin with clarity without relyin on another, or even my HP. and fear does make me want to neglect what i have done or what i may be doin so i can rationalize and justify everythin about me. the idea of tryin faith and gainin courage for 30 days helped me to use the faith i was learnin to see what the effects of faith over fear could be. little by little i was able to use the strength and courage my HP provided to make that look so i could move forward in my recovery and my life. what i experienced and clearly began to see was the change in me, when i sincerely asked God for the strength to change. for me, anger was a part of the fear i experienced. but when i looked at the things i had done from a different point of view, i began to lose anger and gain empathy for the ones i had hurt, includin myself. as even more time passed and i continued forward, i began to find the answers to questions through recovery. i began to learn how to substitute gentleness for invulnerability, self-love for self-hate, and faith for fear. as the delusion that all my needs could be met through self-sufficiency faded, i began to find out who i had become and what i truly needed. i gradually began to let go of the fear that my needs wouldnt be met, especially when i turned to my HP. learnin how to use faith, patience, and a realistic attitude, i began to know the peace of havin my needs truly fulfilled. the spiritual experiences brought a spiritual awareness that changed fear, turned it into an opportunity, and allows me to continue to grow. 1 day @ a time...