my daily reflections…

i cannot try to block out all that is bad within me nor all that is good. when takin that deep dive into personal inventory i need to be able to recognize and identify each character flaw or asset that is bein affected within when searchin solutions to solve the problems that arise in my life. this thing we do has offered me a new way of livin that rewards me daily only if i take the time to search out areas of my life that cause me potential problems or areas of my life that i succeed well in and work toward tryin to make em better. keepin these items hidden and tucked back deep within the reaches of my mind because of fear, complacency, or ego, only enables em to continually work toward gettin the best of me. with a new understandin of self, better than ever before, i get to catch the sound of the gentle knockin at the door of my heart by the spirit of God. it is with this relationship with Him, i get to muster the courage and strength to keep the shit within id rather never let see the light of day and work toward makin them better for myself and others. with the option of choice, not chance, nor a lack of desideratum, when i choose to not only commit to the action of change but use the wisdom i have gained about myself to move forward and change behavior and thinkin, denial doesnt get the opportunity to overtake me. it is there i get to play a powerful role in the responsibility of ownin my recovery. its all an inside job for me that produces a successful outer life. understandin what i now know about myself, what i want to do and give, and what i dont, i can give myself the ability to face me. i can grow integrity and authenticity within that pours outward toward those around me. i dont change by thinkin or readin about it. i change by immersin myself in the experiences and work of changin my life. becomin fearful of the look within is often not the darkness within, its the shit that is clear to me. keepin things in the dark, just as this mornins readin reassures me, i dont get to grow emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually. i dont like the effect produced by hidin any longer. as injurious as not doin a personal inventory may be, if i dont do it, it becomes hard for me to differentiate the true from the false, and i begin to believe everythin i think. i cant live out my recovery if i do not know what is there within. denial of anythin good or bad, doesnt help me grow within or persevere outward. 1 day @ a time...