my daily reflections…

i can recall an earlier attempt at tryin to get into the flow of what the 12 steps offer. it was my 2nd try (today, i continue to live my 4th honest attempt since april 18, 2005). this one particular meetin i went to i stated that i had read through the steps and had decided to start tryin to do what they said. i professed that i could do it all by myself, that i did not need guidance from anybody, let alone a sponsor. my thinkin was still very much wrapped in self and i couldnt let go of my old way of thinkin. i was still filled with ego and the damnin sense of false pride that had led me to where i am today. my spiritual malady was in full control. the old timers in the room went off on me right in the middle of the meetin after what i had professed. talk about eatin crow or the whole humble pie. that day they most def carried the message to someone who was still sufferin. today, its not my place to call a newcomer out durin a meetin. but preferably, withstandin hebetude, use accountable actions by pullin them aside after the meetin and discuss with them what i heard them say. when i approach another in such a manner, i dont decorate my ego or false sense of pride with their character, whether i agree with them or not. handlin situations such as this, in such a manner, is what my recovery has taught me. though what those old timers did for me that day was effective, as they seen, please note, i needed to learn more by goin back to doin my dirt. what i learned from that experience was, that by statin what i did followed by action and self-reliant behavior, i set myself up for my next drink, and i took it. my thinkin simply, even as i tried hard to not let it rule, had failed me. my will power was nonexistent. i learned that i cannot solve my alcoholism alone or try to outsmart it. today i get to proceed in my journey into greater knowledge and understandin by carryin the message. sharin these experiences with others helps me to not relive the mistakes or failures of the past, but rather learn from them so i dont repeat em but forgive myself for them. today, i get to trust my journey inward, myself, and my wisdom, ive discovered that i am ok. im grateful i can count and consider my blessins when i pass on what ive learned about myself with humility and honesty. that day, those old timers, in their own special way, showed me that i wasnt alone, that we were livin recovery together, givin me the universal love unity provides. they helped me understand the first step in overcomin mistakes in thinkin, ego, and false pride, was to admit them. they carried the message and i didnt see it then but understand it now with a new way of action, behavior, and thinkin. 1 day @ a time...