my daily reflections…

livin with the feelin of bein at peace with life was somethin i couldnt experience before my recovery began unless i had drank or drugged so much that oblivion came my way. today, i get to experience life with peace of mind because recovery taught me how to find it and live with it. before my recovery i was always anxious, searchin for somethin outside of me that would provide me with what was always within; i failed to feel it because i had the misguided belief that inner peace had to come from the outside. i couldnt enjoy a beautiful day such as Christmas without the momentary tranquility of somethin i could not or would not let happen within. i was so severely blocked off by my own self-induced spiritual malady. today i get to look back over past Christmases, which were not like this one. i get to thank God for my sobriety and my peace of mind. i get to think about how my life was changed when i came into the rooms. i get to think that perhaps God let me live through all the hazards of doin my dirt, when i was perhaps often close to death, in order that i may be used by Him to show my gratitude for the gift of recovery and inner peace and serenity. i get to share with others my success and material possessions, the dedication to the service to others and my HP with the consecration of my life by carryin the message, showin sympathy, understandin, and offerin help. i get to give what i can to the message my HP speaks through me and let Him have my full attention with my efforts. i dont have to worry about the outcome of such service because i know that it is done by me with an effort to let loose of my spiritual malady. the spiritual power i receive can exist in my sufferin and loneliness and does not expect perfection, as recovery teaches me to live and let others live, too. i get the freedom to respect the freedom of others, providin me the peace within i need given to me by His ultimate sacrifice. as i continue to learn to be patient and persevere in a world that was not constructed just for me and my pleasures, i get to continue to discover that it is impossible to give without receivin or receive without givin. i get to fully enjoy bein at peace with life because it comes from an inner happiness, not somethin or someone outside of me, i found it all through my HP and recovery. 1 day @ a time...