my daily reflections…

total honesty helped me gain total acceptance. there was a time when i thought i couldnt live without a drink or a drug. i didnt think life would be fun or offer any adventure. how could a life sober provide me with the happiness i craved? i can recall the loneliness that helped me to build walls within. in a room full of people, joyous, and full of laughter, i couldnt muster it with any true meanin that would help either me or another. the loneliness i had nurtured since my youth had only grown to proportions that seemed insurmountable. only alcohol or drugs could, or would, take the pain of isolation and loneliness away. until i came into recovery and found a relationship with my HP, i was doomed a life of heartache, alienation, solitude, and desolation, all brought on by low self-esteem and no self-worth. until i seen, and experienced, those in recovery, who were a demonstration and had used the power of God to change their lives as human beins from drunkards to sober, useful citizens, and enjoyin a life usin recovery, my alcoholism would continue to win. acceptance of my alcoholism came as i asked them questions and received answers as to how they beat their personal alcoholic loneliness. in quiet times of contemplation i began to feel Gods presence bring me peace and that peace, like a quiet-flowin river, washed loneliness away as i started to become a part of the fellowship. when i was usin, i doubted myself constantly, thereby addin to my powerlessness and unmanageability. it just drove home the idea that i was better off alone, without someone tryina hurt me. my low self-esteem was evident long before i took a drink. but when i was finally able to honestly accept my alcoholism, i was able to discover God in my life. my spirituality began to grow as i practiced bein a part of the fellowship, usin the awareness of my HP, and made others assessable, viewin em as helpful assets to me. i didnt have to do it all by myself anymore. i began to stop cultivatin innocence as a style, and it could no longer stand in my way of bein accountable to myself. i began to feel the grace of lettin go of my innocence so i could start takin action, acceptin responsibility, and admittin my mistakes. today, with mornin inspiration, prayer, and meditation, i get to let loose of loneliness, i get to live with surrender, acceptance, and tolerance of self and others. i get to feel at peace within with peace of mind. 1 day @ a time...