my daily reflections…

comin into recovery i didnt know i was powerless over alcohol. i mean, i knew i created a shit storm every time i drank in those last days of doin my dirt, but i didnt know that powerlessness over alcohol was a problem. i just thought i couldnt drink like i used to; with some kinda control. i thought if i just managed differently, i could drink. i could pick out how drinkin had been the cause of all my major troubles or had made them worse; those days of doin my dirt had made their mark on me. i was tired of the life i was livin and learnin that i had become powerless over alcohol was somethin i needed to understand. i wish today that powerlessness over alcohol was the only thing i am powerless over. recovery taught me that the powerlessness over alcohol, if i was to be honest with myself, wasnt the only thing i had lost control of. as my time in early recovery went on, i began to ascertain that my new life wouldnt be immune from other personal difficulties. if i was to use powerlessness as a tool, i could have peace even in difficulties. i learned that serenity was a result of bein faithful, that trustin acceptance of Gods will, even in the midst of difficulties, would help me gain power. with that power, i could start to have some manageability in my life. courage and humility came as honesty over the many areas of powerlessness in my life became known. it helped me to see how powerlessness didnt have to lead to fear that was negative. i could live with powerlessness and still have a healthy emotional balance of the fears that would help me maintain my sobriety and recovery. listenin to others share how they had handled experiences with powerlessness helped to make me aware that i too could use what they did to overcome the many areas of powerlessness in my life. even the acceptance of powerlessness when it came to alcohol. i also learned, from them, that any situation can be handled with the support of the twelve-step fellowship. i learned that i didnt have to sulk in self-pity, one of the most unhappy, consumin, and unhealthy defects i have, because i became versed on the many areas of powerlessness in my life. today i dont have to be the smallest package in the world, all wrapped up in self. i have a choice. 1 day @ a time...