my daily reflections…

i reckon when it comes to my life, i am human. i get to feel emotions today that in the past i did not like to feel. and ya’ll can prob guess that when i felt those undesirable emotions, what i did to make em go away. today i have been provided with tools that before my recovery, i may have had, but didnt realize, or even try to use, because of my spiritual malady. its my choice today to either relive the misery of my days before my recovery began, relyin upon self to overcome uncomfortable emotions, or use what those in recovery have shown me. even as the cozy warm, familiar, nurtured, pile of shit to wallow in may look and feel appealin, i understand that jumpin back into it doesnt promote a balanced, healthy life, or peace of mind. so, what am i posed to do? well, ima tell ya. ima go beyond myself, take a risk, and actually deal with the troublesome, self-conscious of tryna heal myself, so i aint gotta return to methods of convenience, self-pity, and instant relief, to face my problem. havin considerable time in recovery, ive learned ways to stay outta the dumb, ragin, and hidden "mr. hyde", that always creates more problems to fix. when i concede to inventoryin the emotions im feelin, i open up areas of me that can be healed so i aint gotta fall back into the plashy regions of negative solutions. i learned that drinkin can never again be anythin but trouble for me and truly doesnt solve the riddle of joel. however, a deep dive into the root cause of the emotion does. when i rely on and trust my HP, i get to depend on what recovery has taught me; i get to feel the hope within that the guidance my HP provides will help me when i feel the emotions again. lettin go of the overbearin feelin of perfectin the outcomes of emotions that cause me troubles, by givin em to my HP, talkin about em, and doin the necessary work to defeat em, i learn more about who i am and gain the confidence to work through em now, and in the future. with the experience, i gain knowledge and wisdom so i may help another. i dont have to fear or feel like i dont measure up when i use solutions that help me get better. ive learned that if i have the courage to begin, i have the courage to succeed. 1 day @ a time...