my daily reflections…

the beginnin of deflatin my ego had begun to happen a little before this step, but this step surely put it into full swing. havin learned how to control my anger a little, havin gained enough humility to listen to others truthfully tell me about me, and havin become open-minded to hearin the possible solutions to my personal problems, deflatin my ego happened as i listened to how i had been the reason for the problems that brought me into the rooms. i needed the close scrutiny of someone i trusted to help me reveal what my true motives were for each of the character defects and shortcomins i had. keepin my personal inventory to myself only opened the door for continued self-rationalization, which had always justified conduct which was really wrong. if i wanted to change, i had to be open to stoppin my imagination that i had always had good motives and reasons when i really didnt. naturally the want to justify, argue, defend, or explain, filled me, but what kind of change was that? i had to accept that i had nothin to prove anymore with the way i had been livin my life, it was time to use humility so i could grow in all the ways any adult needs to continue to grow. it was time to stop the immaturity and start growin integrity. i talk a lot about the learnin ive had to do since my recovery has begun, and those talks early on with my sponsor opened my eyes to many areas i needed to change so i could grow away from the unhealthy desires and wants that brought me to the rooms. the spiritual principle of gratitude for the opportunity to learn and change from within outward was just one of the benefits of those discussions. seein the damage i had caused and havin the time and place to understand it all helped me. livin in a halfway house for 2 1/2 years gave me the opportunity to experiment with each of the spiritual principles and the way i could live them into changin my character defects and shortcomins. shit like imitatin the behaviors of my sponsor and others in recovery i trusted influenced my behavior with other people, and most importantly with myself. it was that shared experience that gave me the confidence to step beyond myself and become someone i had never been before; the person i am today. as my life and recovery continue to evolve, i get to continue to live with peace of mind. 1 day @ a time...