my daily reflections…

tellin my sponsor all the dirt i had found out about myself from my personal inventory was a very scary thing for me to do. it provoked emotions within me that had me terrified of the response i was most def expectin. if i wanted to begin to live a life i had seen the others in the rooms livin, a life i began to feel myself worthy of havin too, i had to do what they did. they were showin me how this process of honest self-identification and tell of their inner most secrets, not only helped each other to stay sober, but how this formed a loyalty toward one another which helped them stay sober themselves. confidin in my sponsor as honest a self-appraisal as i could, took away the years of hidden shame, remorse, and guilt i had lived with alone, openin the door to learnin how to continue to live the spiritual principle of humility i had already started through surrender, honesty, and faith. it took a personal level of trust, courage, and ego deflation to move forward with this very personal tell. years of fear and self-intimidation began to fall away and the freedom i seen others livin was felt within. it stopped the personal block i had always lived with that kept me from movin forward so i could become the person my HP intended me to be. i felt a calmness within that alcohol or drugs could not provide. the trust i had developed with my sponsor strengthened the trust i had begun growin in my relationship with my HP. a kind of self-respect came into play as i began to see how lettin all that shit go, no longer bound me to the darkness i had become so used to livin in. it brought to me the peace of mind i had always craved and used everything other than what i should have to obtain it. from that early experience in recovery i get to continue to discover the positive unique image of self. i get to see the memories of my life before my recovery began that were good, without the shadow i had placed over them. i get to continue to discover how i can face life successfully, conscious of His presence, without the fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. the power behind that early recovery experience that came, and still lives within, is much greater than any fear in front of me today. i am reborn and i am free. 1 day @ a time...