my daily reflections…

one of the things my sponsor asked me to do when i did my personal inventory was to write down the shit i thought was good about me. at the time i couldnt see much because i was still wrapped up in all of the grief of the days of doin my dirt. there were somethings i thought were good, but couldnt see the self-centeredness wrapped within them. whether it was to highlight ego or find support for some kind of false pride, idk. today i see the benefit of writin the kind of list that feature the blessins in my life. when before i couldnt see them because of the mental state of depression, self-pity, and remorse i felt, today, i get to because of humility and surrender. alongside this list of blessins comes the gratitude i have for them. and learnin that the shame i felt within may have been a factor in not bein able to see the blessins around me in my early recovery, maybe the honest assessment that i didnt want to share them because of selfishness is a better estimate which only led further to the loneliness that i had wrapped myself in. in learnin how to build character that is beneficial to my life, i had to share these items found within with my sponsor. peace of mind came to me as i learned that the shit that had kept me sick were things that others felt too. even more so were the solutions my sponsor and others shared with me. ive changed so much since my early days of recovery, i can appreciate and continue to grow in the precious gift of the diversity i sense and see from then, to today. the frustration, ego, anxiety, and resentment, that kept me from seein the blessins my sponsor and others spoke of are now easily seen and lived with. ive learned to take note of my fears, take an inventory of each until i understand what caused it. when i do this im able to find ways to work through them with the blessins i find around me. still today, sometimes the bafflin feature of my alcoholism, has me feelin the need to roll back into those negative feelins, no matter how good i feel my recovery is goin. when these times come, the concept of writin an inventory of my blessins and the gratitude for them is a life saver. 1 day @ a time...