my daily reflections…

when i came into the rooms i had to begin to trust others so i could learn how to trust myself. buildin the trust i needed with myself took time in my early recovery. i had to know and understand that i was an alcoholic and trust in that honest self-appraisal. when i came into the rooms i didnt know if this thing we do would work for me. i didnt know if i could do it, or if i could stick to simple disciplines, somethin i had never really attempted before. i reckon i had paid the price for admission though, because the fear i had of death, and even worse yet, the fear of continuin to live locked away in prison, like the picaresque i was, had me tryin to be someone i had never been before, my true self. as trust with myself grew, i began to build a relationship with my HP, and began to trust Him too. that relationship was essential in buildin a relationship with myself. i had always been just as stupid and stubborn about former relationships with others, before my recovery began, as this mornins readin suggests. relationships had always hurt me in the past because i had given too much of myself to them, buildin expectations of others they couldnt live up to. and as recovery has taught me, i couldnt even live up to those expectations either and always wound up hurt over them. so, trust had to be an integral part of buildin healthy relationships for me. i lacked integrity with self before my recovery began and that bled into the negative relationships i had with others as my life progressed and i had been selfishly hurt by them. in recovery though, as the healthy relationships i was buildin with my HP and myself grew, i began to build healthy relationships with others, without puttin up too high an expectation. i became willin to surrender, tolerate, and accept that all people fail, includin myself. the only thing i didnt find failin were the spiritual principles of recovery, and if i practiced em as best as i could, the relationships that followed grew stronger. i found that peace of mind helped me to stop judgin myself, others, and my HP so negatively. i began to feel that between true and false values, between the values of the program and the values others in the program tried to live by, i can build healthy trustin and positive relationships that are sustainin. 1 day @ a time...