my daily reflections…

when i came into the rooms the communication skills i had were severely lackin. conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination only came when i could get my hands on a jug or what ev else it was that i wanted that i thought would make me happy now. it was much the same when it came to release from care, boredom, or worry. joyous intimacy meant gettin fucked up and findin someone to have to have sex with. each one of these pleasures for normal folk were somethin that i could use to feed obsession and compulsion. never did they mean what others around me thought they did. and not so surprisin, was how far back i found this occurrin in my life as ive done the personal inventories over my time in recovery. today, i have a different view of each of these gifts. when they used to be used as negatively as i could, today i get to experience em without feedin the negative, selfish side of me. enjoyin conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination, come to me when i get together at a recovery function. somethin like a convention, recovery center anniversary, or even just goin out with a few friends to a sportin event or concert. they are times when i can find release from care, boredom, and worry, where joyous intimacy with friends and a feelin that life is good surround us all. i get to feel and live the spirituality of extraordinary growth. see these times are the healthy times that i think of, not the times i used to drive my will into another with indignation until i got what i wanted. i get to have peace of mind from these good times because ive taken the time to rebuild and develop character by the daily discipline of duties done. workin on me so i can grow within with understandin and effectiveness helps me to build relationships myself and my HP, so i can enjoy buildin relationships with others. ive found that sobriety and recovery are gifts that grow with time, the price of which is eternal vigilance. i can trust my ability to take care of myself, developin healthy, reasonable, boundaries and tolerance of self and others. aint i worth it today? 1 day @ a time...