my daily reflections…

sometimes i wonder if i am makin the progress i need in my recovery. i dont always feel like i belong out there in the world. it seems no matter how hard i try to do what i think is the next right thing, i get lost, confused, and fall short. ive heard in the rooms that i am to be of service without harmin others, but sometimes when i try to do this, removin me from the situation, i get the opportunity to learn yet another lesson. i reckon its why its so important that i work at practicin the concepts of prayer & meditation. when i am in the rooms i feel good, like there is nothin that can touch me, i get to share and i get to listen. but when i go out into the world and try to do the same, shit just doesnt go the way i think its gonna. maybe there is an aspect of self-will involved, maybe its that the things i feel like im receivin from prayer & meditation get convoluted with my opinion, idk. what i do know is that each mornin i try to communicate with my HP, i get the things i need. practicin em outside of my time of prayer & meditation is another story. i reckon more work on self is needed, it seems to never end. to gain that sense of belongin i must try to care less about myself and more about others. i have to remember that im not always right, that lifes difficulties and troubles are not intended to arrest my progress in the spiritual life, but to test my strength and to increase my determination to keep goin. prayer & meditation help me to overcome me so i may use recovery to grow spiritual awareness so i may become a better person. its a constant check on my motives. i have to be honest with self so i may know what im truly lookin for, remainin open to the suggestion i receive through meditation. when i live in the now, i get a chance to use prayer & meditation so that i feel like i belong somewhere to somethin. i need to be helpful, of service, and i need the time of prayer & meditation so i can be. i aint always right, nor am i always wrong. i just hafta remember to keep shit simple right now. 1 day @ a time...