I can feel it you know. When you wave at me driving by, that big cheery, manly salute, as if all is well with the world, and you’re having a ball…..I can see it in you. You’re embarrassed to talk to me. You think I’ll judge you…..but I never would.
Things changed didn’t they? We were on this road together for a while. And we were flying.
We understood each other, and how hard it could be sometimes to live with the strange thoughts in these minds of ours, and these addictions that we fight.
We had this recovery business down, and there was no stopping us. You pulled me up when I was struggling, and told me I’d be okay. And you were right….I was…after a while. And I hope I’ll always be.
But you my friend, you wouldn’t be okay. You slipped and fell, again and again. I was so angry with you the first time. How could you let this happen? We had this. Had it sussed.
In truth I was more scared than angry. It just came out as anger. I was scared for you…but scared for myself too. If you could buckle, would I be next? Would I even be able to do this without your help?
But that’s not how it goes is it? We all have our own paths to take. This is a lonely road sometimes.
It can break hearts, and relationships, and friendships. You chose your own path and I have to respect that. And I have to carry on my own journey too.
But I appreciate every call, every laugh, and every bit of advice you gave me when I needed it most.
You caught me just when I needed help more than I’ve ever needed it. You were my hero.
And I’m sorry you wouldn’t let me be there for you, like you were for me. I really would have liked to be and I would have tried my best for you.
It wouldn’t have made any difference to me to stay friends, but it did to you. You said that it’d be bad for me to be around you.Maybe you were right….who knows? So I had to let you go on your way
Maybe some day we’ll meet again, and we can be friends again. And have the laughs like we did before. If not, I’ll still give you the big wave when I see you, and the smile.
I miss you, and I hope you stay safe, and I’ll be ready if you need an ear to listen, or an arm to hold on to.
Good luck my old buddy.
22 Comments
Watching someone else struggle in this area while you continue on the path of recovery can bring feelings of guilt as well. Love this writing! Much love to you as you continue on.
Thank you for that Jessica….xxxxx
Acceptance is the answer,stop whining.
This reads like poetry! I have watched many people slide off the path and, after having been so close and shared so much in recovery, it is such a painful feeling. Afraid it could happen to me, too? YES! That adds to the fear, and Jessica suggests – guilt – survivor’s guilt. You have captured a lot in a few words. thank you
Kyczy thanks for the comment. Much appreciated x
Such a beautiful, honest and touching piece of writing.
Thank you Amelia.
Thank you Amelia.
i like all these poems, i LOVE people that are iNRecovery and meetings are on line , on YOUTUBE speaker meetings, topic meetings, “Just for Today” , lord’s prayer, serenity prayer, God bless everyone, real good.
Davy M.
In this moment I am my own worst enemy….over and over again I try…
Keep trying your best….. Xxx
I enjoyed that share. Funny but this week I opened up to someone I’m mentoring a little as my friend. It was humbling but helped me to be honest that I too still face struggles and life isn’t always perfect just because I’m sober. It was so nice to hear fresh perspective. We are perfectly imperfect, no matter how much time we have. Newcomer shares have touched me in many ways just as the old timers do. We are in this together…the promises coming true, good news, health issues, career struggles…..what is awesome is that I now how am ever growing support system, spiritual toolbox and grace! It’s humbling to really realize we will always have this disease but if we continue to treat it w meetings, step work, living in the day…we will continue to grow. sadly, watching others go out helps me because it’s always a reminder that I need to stay on my treatment program. I only have today.
Thank you.
Thank you Angela, for a touching piece of writing, which has certainly made me remember my early days in recovery and friends who didn’t make it.
Thank you very much Dave.
Thank you Maria xx
Good luck.
Truth.
Not always easy to confront or live with….
…but, it will always set one free.
Thank you for your time to write this. I’ve seen a lot of people come and go. It breaks my heart. You’re here, though.
Stay, one day at a time – waving hello from Las Vegas 🙂
Waving right back at you…. Thanks very much x
Thank you am 84 days clean after a 8yr relapse I need to remain grateful that am still here
Well done Liz… And thanks.
Beautiful, heartfelt, and honest…It’s not easy to realize that we all have our own path to walk and that we can’t bring everyone with us on it…no one wants to leave a friend behind; that’s sometimes the hardest part. But timing is not the same for everyone, so we must. We have to be true to ourselves first and pray that as we go forward, those friends will grab on to recovery in their own time and not let go…Your writing is a gift…stay with it! You are meant to use it to help others…It is a light and encouragement to all who read it! Blessings!
I really appreciate that Deb… Thank you. Xxxxxx