If drug addiction were to place a Help Wanted add, it may read something like this!
Our company has a fabulous opportunity to offer those of you who are qualified. First, the suitable candidates for this job will be those who have never done a drug before, or for those who are currently in recovery from active addiction. If you are currently using a substance at this time please do not apply as you already are gainfully employed in our eyes.
This is a work from home position, you can make your own schedule. There are no quotas to meet and this position involves only limited sales on an, as needed, basis. There is no experience required, as a matter of fact, we are looking for those who have never done this type of work before. Especially those who never would have guessed that they could or ever would work in this field. It is most rewarding to us as your employer to see new people learn and thrive in this industry.
We are an equal opportunity employer, we do not discriminate on any level. Not race, color, creed, religion or even lack thereof. It is our belief that once you sample our products at your initial interview, you will not only believe in our company but wholeheartedly agree that the products we offer are the best on the market. We will need you to be willing to give one hundred percent effort in helping us to continue to refine and improve these products for generations to come. This is incredibly important to us as a corporation, your loyalty to our cause must be unprecedented.
We offer a competitive wage but our benefits package is what sets us apart from most employers. The 401k (US tax qualification) program we have starts immediately and we will match 100% of the misery you invest. We also have a profit sharing fund that is unrivaled by any other.
The more misery you invest, the more company you keep!
We also offer a program that is guaranteed to steal your family, your joy, and all else that you hold dear to your heart. It is called the family leave pack. It is a package given every thirty days to all employees who still have people in their lives that say I love you.
Finally, our death benefits.
Death can be a very traumatic experience for the families of all employees still fortunate to have some while working for us. So it is our belief that there is no better time than the present. Why let your families agonize over the inevitable when in just a matter of a few short days for those who are lucky, we can finally bring them the peace they deserve. Remember we aim to please and your untimely death is our priority. To apply, please contact our Human Resource Liaison:
Grim Reaper @Ext-666
DEMMONS INC; Where it’s not just a job but a way of life.
I had a job like this once. I highly recommend that you do not apply!
4 Comments
That was fun…and bittersweet…I worked from home and that’s where I hit bottom…still took years to get to A.A. But it was a turning point and I started getting help. Yes…it’s a deadly job. My death benefit application was rejected.
🙂 amazing, they rejected mine too! Thanks for taking the time to read my friend, be blessed.
I still know people currently employed. Good read!
Thank You Melody for taking the time to read I truly appreciate that!