I have been sober for nearly 4 years, by god’s grace, before that however I was a chronic relapser. I lived the cycle between treatment, halfway and homelessness for years. I wanted so bad to get sober but that’s the thing about recovery, wanting it is not enough, if it were that easy everyone would
No point in telling yourself that Chardonnay tastes like Windex. It doesn’t. It tastes like walking under waterfalls, like sinking backwards into bed with the guy you flirted with at the bar. It smells like a necklace made of daisy chains or the waft of Queen Anne’s lace on a summer Sunday. It always has.
What’s the difference between opiate dependency and addiction. Some say none. I say, there is a big difference! Having spent the better part of last year with chronic back and pelvic pain I have been on and off and on and off opiates. Only to be back on again. This time while I await surgery
When I first left residential treatment, I knew I couldn’t go back home if I wanted to stay sober. I had decided to do outpatient treatment, but I was still worried that wouldn’t be enough to keep me sober. Moving from residential to outpatient meant my time away from structure and therapy was about to
When I was using my idea of a healthy diet was coffee, a donut, crack, heroin, and maybe a McChicken. I know, sounds very well rounded. Forget about exercise or any sort of healthy movement, no daily walk or bike ride, in fact I think the only moving I was doing was to peek out
“Love your addiction, love yourself.” When I first read these words, they stunned me. It was a complete paradigm shift. Away from guilt and shame and pain, and towards love and forgiveness and well-being. These words were the sub-heading in one of my favorite recovery books, 30 Day Sobriety Solution, part of Day 4: The Forgiveness Solution
When I was in college my friends and I liked to party, which I always thought was normal until it wasn’t. Two weeks before my graduation I entered a drug treatment center. I think I was lucky to be able to get professional help. I also think I was lucky because I got to take
Binging – when the feeling from doing something exceeds the reason for doing something. KH I am in recovery, I don’t’ smoke, drink alcohol, rely on relationships for self worth, or use intoxicants in any form. At least not traditional intoxicants. I have become more and more aware of my inclination to binge.
“No! Are you fucking crazy? Put that down, right now! You’ll blow us both to kingdom come!” I couldn’t believe what I saw: my husband reaching up to the chandelier above our dining table, oil can in hand, getting ready to pour oil on lighted candles. I imagined the coming firestorm. How could he be