How easy is it for you to ignore when someone you care about is upset? Personally, I find it nearly impossible. When someone I love is unhappy, I can’t help but feel compelled to try and rescue them. It’s because I’m deeply attuned to the emotions of others. It feels like I’m an emotional sponge, absorbing everything around me.
Just the other day, I shared with my partner that I’d been feeling sad all day because he mentioned he was overwhelmed. While that might sound romantic, it’s also a real challenge. If you’re like me, and you identify as an empath, you might be constantly trying to protect yourself in relationships by building a barrier of indifference. But the truth is—you care, perhaps more than you’d like to admit.
Over time, I’ve learned and implemented five strategies that have helped me stop absorbing the stress of others. These strategies have transformed my relationships and improved my well-being. Here’s what I’ve discovered:
Identify the Source
The first step is to ask yourself: “Is this emotion mine, or am I picking up on someone else’s?” Pay attention to how your mood changes around specific people. If you suddenly feel anxious or exhausted in the presence of someone, that discomfort might not be yours. To test this, try distancing yourself from the situation. If the discomfort fades, then it’s likely not your own emotion.
However, sometimes the emotions can be a mix of your own and those of the people around you. Emotions can be contagious, and it’s easy to pick up on the pain of unresolved issues in your relationships. That’s why it’s crucial to identify and address any personal triggers. The more you heal those parts of yourself, the less likely you’ll be to absorb others’ emotions.
Let Go of Responsibility
When I was younger, I often felt responsible for the happiness of those around me. If my parents were upset, I thought it was my job to cheer them up. I even let my friends’ moods dictate my own feelings in high school. It took time, but I eventually realized that I am not responsible for regulating other people’s emotions.
While it’s important to be supportive, you can’t take on the responsibility for someone else’s emotional well-being. Remember, you can influence your partner’s experience but can’t control their feelings. This doesn’t mean being indifferent to their suffering. It’s about understanding that their feelings are their own.
For instance, if your partner gets jealous when you talk to certain friends, that’s more about their feelings and less about you. It’s important to listen and understand their perspective, but remember that you are only responsible for your actions and not their reactions.
Step Away When Needed
Before I met my partner, I enjoyed being single. I cherished my personal space and found peace in solitude. Growing up as the youngest child and spending a lot of time writing on my own, I developed a strong desire for alone time.
I’m fortunate to have found a partner who respects and understands my needs as an empath. He knows that I sometimes need to retreat and have my own space. As an empath, you might struggle with the desire for love and connection while also craving solitude. It’s okay to prioritize your need for alone time.
It’s perfectly fine to say no to certain negative energies, even when they come from loved ones. Stepping away is an act of self-care. In overwhelming social situations, taking breaks to recharge is crucial. A quick way to relieve stress is to immerse yourself in water or create a quiet space without any distractions.
Don’t Take the Blame
Many women I know feel conditioned to take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in a relationship. However, I’ve learned that not everything is my fault. It’s important to own your choices but also recognize that you’re not accountable for your partner’s mistakes.
You shouldn’t blame yourself for:
- Mistakes made by someone else.
- How you feel about someone or something.
- What your partner is feeling or experiencing.
- The fact that someone doesn’t love or respect you as you wish.
- Not feeling the way you think you should about someone.
When you stop blaming yourself for everything, you become more aware of your inner critic. It’s crucial to pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Challenge judgmental thoughts and replace them with more compassionate language. Often, the harshest voice in our heads isn’t our own.
Be Kind to Yourself
A true partnership is about having compassion for your partner’s suffering while acknowledging that their feelings are their own. It’s about taking responsibility for your emotions and allowing your partner to feel whatever they need to without trying to fix it.
As an empath, your ability to connect deeply with others is a unique strength. Your sincerity helps build meaningful relationships. However, regulating your empathy is key to preventing emotional overload. Next time you notice yourself absorbing others’ emotional baggage, try practicing the strategies mentioned above. Remember, taking care of your physical, social, and emotional needs is vital for your well-being and the well-being of those around you.
Your future depends on it.
We believe in the resilience of the human spirit, and that survivors deserve to come out of the fog into the light. The goals of Scars to STARs (Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships) and TAR Network™ include helping survivors to find awareness, transformation, and self-love; both aim to educate, empower, and energize people as they reclaim their sense of self-worth, rebuild their lives, and emerge stronger than ever. Our international programs are here to support you every step of the way, while breaking the chains of transgenerational trauma.
We invite you to begin your healing journey with us at our TAR Anon meetings held every Monday at 6:00 PM Eastern Time, and every Wednesday at 6:00 PM Eastern Time for families and caregivers. We provide a safe and supportive community for people affected by narcissistic abuse, trauma, and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and caregivers in high-conflict situations. This is a program of the TAR Network, a 501(c)(3) global charity.
