Blog by deborahsxy
My life here is busy. I did it to myself and I am totally okay with that (it gets real hard sometimes to stay on my path but I manage to keep my mental health in check whilst I walk along).
My youngest knows I am busy, she blamed me for a long time, for having to be there for my grandson and not being there for her when she was 18 years old. She is okay now we talk a lot, about stuff. Anyway, she was like you are my mom so I am gonna “pull a you”… which was odd but I was like okay. She grabbed my hand to feel a lump in her breast. “I am sorry to give you more to worry about she said, but I wanted you to know I am not lying for attention and am going to make an appointment.” and we went through all the things it “could be” and that everything was going to be fine. I will be there for her even if she may have to poke me, which I said to her please say something because I am spread very thin already and I don’t want her to think I am just forgetting about her because I am not. It is hard having kids. and I told her the same thing I am gonna do which is not panic, because it could be nothing.
I shared in the AA meeting on Wednesday because I have been holding on to it myself for a week and needed to let it out so that I could put it in a healthy spot in my mind so as to take care of her while life on life’s terms is going on.
I am so grateful like I said for all of ITR and the family of friends I have experienced here is just a wonderful thing. I did change my narrative I am talking differently about myself and I was hoping that was going to perhaps stop the “roller coaster ride” but I am still doing the loop with hands in the air and that’s okay for in real life I am not allowed to ride coasters anymore so why not enjoy the figurative one and let go of the safety bar and let it be…
Thank you ITR for being here to help me learn about myself.