It is extremely important to acknowledge that abuse is not normal nor acceptable in a healthy relationship. The reason why some women continue to carry on with an abusive spouse varies from person to person. Let’s have a look at some of the most common reasons.
They hope the abuser will change someday.
Some abusers use a caring and loving approach after every abusive episode to appease the victim. It is like dangling a carrot before women that gives them false hope that the abuser will love them if they change their behavior. Also, if these women have invested a lot of time and effort in the relationship, they live in the hope that eventually, all the pain will be worth the probable chance at happiness.
Some women are afraid of their abuser.
Some women find themselves in toxic relationships where the abuser uses a fear-mongering attitude to keep them under control. The abuser threatens to harm the victim, their children, or themselves. In cases where the victim is dependent on them, they threaten to annul the financial support. They ensure that the consequence of leaving becomes more scary and daunting than the experience of abuse. It leaves the women with no option but to put up with abuse.
They blame themselves for everything.
After facing abuse, victims often start doubting themselves. It happens when their spouse blames them for their bad behavior. They start believing that they must have done something wrong that compelled the abuser to subject them to such intimidatory actions. They may recognize the maltreatment of the abuser, but their guilt-ridden mind convinces them to analyze the misbehavior from the abuser’s perspective.
Women want to protect their children.
Some women endure years of physical and mental abuse for the sake of their children. They are ready to face the hardships without protesting to protect their little ones, as they do not want their children to grow up in broken families. Therefore, they go through harsh scenarios to show they live in a normal environment.
Women feel embarrassed to admit the truth.
Some women keep silent through abuse because they feel embarrassed to share the truth with anyone. They fear being judged and even blamed for their partner’s actions. They may also despise the pity that people show when learning the truth. They feel remaining silent is better than having people giving you unwarranted advice, and so they remain in an abusive relationship.
They feel they can save their partner.
Some women feel they know and understand the reason behind their partner’s abusive behavior. They carry on, thinking and hoping they will rescue their partner from trouble. She believes that loyalty and love can melt the abuser’s heart and reform as a person.
They may have a history of abuse or trauma.
If a woman has grown up seeing men abuse women without consequence, she may believe it is normal behavior. She might even be in denial and may not accept that the physical or emotional trauma she experiences is abuse. She may even assume abuse is a part of a healthy and normal relationship.
Economic dependency.
Economic dependency is a significant barrier to leaving an abusive relationship. Women who lack financial resources may feel trapped, as they might not have the means to support themselves and their children independently. The fear of homelessness, poverty, or the inability to provide for their children keeps many women tethered to their abuser.
Social and cultural pressures.
In many societies, there are immense social and cultural pressures to maintain a facade of a happy family life. Women may face stigma, shame, or ostracization from their community or family if they choose to leave an abusive relationship. Traditional beliefs about marriage and gender roles can further pressure women to stay.
Lack of access to support services.
In some areas, there may be limited access to support services such as shelters, legal aid, counseling, or hotlines. Without knowledge of or access to these resources, women may feel they have no place to turn for help and support.
Emotional attachment and love.
Despite the abuse, some women continue to love their partners and have a deep emotional attachment to them. They remember the good times and hope for a return to better days. The abuser may also show intermittent kindness or affection, reinforcing the woman’s hope for change.
If you know someone who is being abused – give them unconditional support to help them leave the abuser safely. If you are the one experiencing abuse, don’t feel ashamed to reach out to relevant services. If you experienced abuse before, please share your story to empower others who are still suffering and need your help.
Join TAR Anon™: A FREE SUPPORT Network for Everyone in Toxic and Abusive Situations – Every Monday and Wednesday at 6 PM EDT!
Introducing TAR Anon™, a beacon of support for those facing the emotional challenges of toxic and abusive situations. Launched in May 2024 as part of the TAR Network™, TAR Anon™ is dedicated to helping individuals affected by:
Narcissistic Abuse: Support for those dealing with narcissistic family members or partners.
Childhood Abuse Survivors: Resources for adults overcoming the long-term effects of childhood abuse.
Toxic Relationships: Guidance for managing dysfunctional relationships, including siblings and partners.
Parental Alienation: Assistance for parents and families affected by estrangement and alienation.
LGBTQ+ Support: Inclusive support for LGBTQ+ individuals in abusive or toxic environments.
High-Conflict Family Dynamics: Strategies for improving mental health and well-being in toxic environments.
Led by Dr. Jamie Huysman and Mila, TAR Anon™ welcomes everyone, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, or familial role, emphasizing the unique challenges faced by those affected by CPTSD, co-dependency, and compassion fatigue.
For more information, please visit http://www.taranon.org.
