When I came around AA for the last or near last time years ago like 1981ish? I had no 12 Steps. Actually there were no Big Book 12 Step meetings according to AA's New York office. I know this to be factual.
When Big Book 12 Step (BBS) formed the first meeting, we had difficulty getting it on a meeting list. Intergroup meetings, phone calls to NY. Eventually there we were! Thursday night Men's Big Book Step. At the time most meetings were at 8:00 even 8:30 so we were 7:30 in case people showed up and didn't agree with the format they had time to get to another meeting. Some of us are still alive and sober today. Amazing really. Lots of sober living. Anyway.
The 12 Steps were only in 12/12 (Twelve steps and Twelve traditions) meetings really, or AWOL (A Way Of Life) groups that had flowed over from OA helping many alcoholic sufferer's with it's commitment and daily structure. There were attempts made at Big Book formats from Joe and Charlie influence (Cassette tapes and workbook) sure, but mostly in my area(New England) the formats used for supporting 12 Step work were offered by Hazelden. Hazelden's workbook focus (especially step 4) is on the seven deadly sins. The concepts of all these supportive networks has helped many sober up and find a way out of themselves. Most moving on to lead sober productive lives and help others. Not sure any is better or worse than the other really, they all have their purpose and cater to each as an individual who suffers with many forms of fear.
Actually one huge hurdle for me in my Big Book 12 Step experience was realizing that even though the 12 Steps laid out in the Big Book are "my" key to life itself? Pretty much my reason for living? This specific format is not for everyone. Maybe if this was stepsherpa's anonymous sure but it isn't. Aside from the alcohol symptom as our common thread there are as many differences with suggested ways to approach recovery from our underlying causes as people who come through the doors. Not everyone needs to make an admission of hopelessness as the Big Book suggests. Some are capable of reading Bills experience in the 12/12 and retaining what they read. Even applying it with positive results. There are alcoholics who still live life and have relationships, make decisions hold jobs ..Some are very young and have only felt a nip of the wringer so to speak.
Not everyone is a "real alcoholic" as described in the Big Book. The hopeless alcoholic who left on their own? Has lost the ability to choose between right and wrong. Who has so many problems that there seems no way of overcoming any of them. Life is a long and painful unresolved issue. Living mostly in their daily drunken stupor they wish for the end. Yet they don't die. They drink overdosing on alcohol everyday, they wake to the empty abyss. They begin to see themselves, fear of yesterday, tomorrow, nobody to save them, no hope at all then today comes "again" and they drink themselves away "again" setting the cycle in motion once "again". They..I mean me..
In other words? The selfishness even with the best of intentions? The "my way or the hi-way" attitude or worse, hiding behind the Big Book 12 Steps are the only way? Usually ends with me alone on self-pity road again. Oh sometimes you pick up a co-signer who agrees that obviously everyone else is screwed up but we're not. Maybe feel the power of justified resentment and win for a little while. That can offer a security boost until the co-signer leaves. Then? No body understands me.
Don't they realize this is real recovery? Forget about today lets study the AA archives! Hey, Here! Listen to this .Look what I found! Ebby said this to Bill on the way to Akron with AA number 4 so It must be true! Ha..I know something you don't know.. Yeah information is king. This is the AA way? Must be the right way? The only way? Well yeah ok, I don't want to debate or argue. Go ahead and do whatever you want just leave me out of it. Huh? Jesus co-wrote the 12 Steps with Bill at the kitchen table? Sure.
Good generalship is the AA way and if I speak for myself and share my experience I may even pass it on. It's just that where in my own experience does it say I know what's best for everyone else? Where do I get the green light to get out there promoting AA as a cure all? I'm not a missionary. I'm not selling Amway.
I'm a very lucky and grateful especially sick suffering alcoholic who was at the right place and right time in my life for once. The ship actually came in. I got plucked up and out of my wasteland, slapped upside the head with the Big Book 12 Steps and now what? A new car? People must love me? No..I give freely what I have found and join those like myself living one day at a time on the suggested spiritual path. I am a power of example yes, not an example of power. I have fallen into that whole power thing by default at times. Except for the occasional sober common sense offering I'm better off minding my own inventory. Keeping my own house in order and thereby having something healthy to offer when I can. Eh..Better safe than sorry.
Anyway some more old timer spew..Late 70's early 80's, the best bet for the new "guy" like myself was to get a sponsor with some sober time under his belt and join a men's 12/12 group. Get there early and help set up, stay after and clean up. Basically learning simple acts of humility, showing up and participating in my sober day with a decent act, respecting myself without fanfare. Just being accepted and helping was like a great screaming crowd of fans. I wasn't welcome anywhere really till this point. I wasn't judged.. This suggestion was the meat and potatoes for many suffering men who make the AA approach. Myself included.
Then of course do your best to not drink between meetings. The don't hang around the barber shop thing or stay out of the drinking places anyway. Keep a quarter or dime in your pocket in case of emergency for that phone call to a sponsor or group member offering free AA related help in the form of trust or security.. And keep these AA slogans up in the front of your mind. Easy does it, live and let live, think the drink through, but for the grace of God, keep it simple, one day at a time.
Spiritual approach? With this approach comes a willingness to explore our own defective character, see ourselves, let go of our own egoism and fear. The only requirement? We give freely what we find to another who suffers. We realize, the more we get the more we can give away. We begin to have good days back to back. This can be tangled up in learning when and how to give sure but we keep with it. We remain willing.
Life comes at you fast. I was always so detached from everything it was as if I was watching a movie. Turning anything into some kind of self help documentary. A movie about a beautiful beach? I don't know, I've seen better beaches. Two people fall in love? C'mon with the hallmark card intimacy garbage..People don't act like that? Do they? Basically anything you can do I can do better in my mind. I was the director and chief movie critic. Script writer. Always had something to say about this or that. Using others experience as mine to gain leverage. Like if I think it I did it or if I think it I believe it. Always had a better way that could somehow keep me in the show. Seems like if I needed to audition I'd never get the part or any part. If only others would listen, be always aware of my stage presentation? Everyone would be pleased or atleast happy I was there. I need to make them see who I am and how much they need me! But, the show can't be only about me. Others attention span was short. Unless I could just jump in the moment with overwhelming shock and awe? They simply moved on without me.
So I lie, I make up stories to get attention to hopefully make others like me or at least accept me but no. I just can't be all things to all people. I mean dayum. They leave and all I want is to go with them. I want to get away from me too! I hate who I am yet can't change any of it. I'm trapped. I can put the booze down but can't change so I just know I'm going to pick it back up. The meetings are great but I know I need more..
Whelp..I myself am a Big Book 12 Step cementhead. I know I belong here in the Big Book. If you're having trouble with the Big Book 12 Step path than it may not be best for you right now. Maybe find comfort in a solid 12/12 meeting where people all share and carry on with eachother's experience. The 12/12 Book is basically Bill W's experience some years after the Big Book was applied to his life. If nothing less this can broaden and deepen your relationship with the earlier work. All to the good. And the traditions give a in depth look at the AA member, the AA group and the entire fellowship as a whole. Joe and Charlie, Hazelden and far too many to mention today. They all have one thing in common. They're here for you to help solve your addiction problem.
So hey..do yourself a favor for once. Pick one. Pick the one that's closest to you or is easily accessible to you. If you're like me in the beginning especially you don't really know what's good for you.You're just afraid to let go of anything even if it's harming you. So..Just do something. Don't wait for whatever you think is best for you to find you. Go for it today. You can always change it up for something that seems better suited as options come. And they will.
I look at myself. In the beginning I thought Big Book 12 Steps were for smart people or people who were better than everyone. It seemed as if that's how they acted. All knowing thumpers. lol It turned out being the opposite. Really. Big Book people are whacked! I fit well, safely between the pages.
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stepsherpa