my daily reflections…

its always been one of the hardest things for me to do, accept self. without this seemingly simple exercise, i am unable to see beyond me, my circumstances, or out toward others. when i am bound to unacceptance of self, nothin stands a chance of gainin it. it seemed i always turned my unacceptance of self into unrealistic alibis for apathy and defeat; the poor joels ran far and deep. they eroded any chance of a foundation that was wholesome or life sustainin. recovery showed me the error in this idea that i could not accept me. i learned that it was ok to succeed and to fail without over elation or self-loathin. recovery taught me that an understandin of true humility would help me accept me for who and what i am, even when i failed and even if i succeeded. it taught me that i am no better or worse than anybody for either success or failure. recovery taught me to look at where i was before my recovery began and showed me the progress i had made with the help of my HP and the fellowship. it forced me to understand that the place i was at today was not somethin i alone did, that it took a sense of humility to reach out and ask for the hand of another. that there was a joy in the assistance of God and others. recovery taught me to understand that the emotional health and therefore spiritual progress i had been able to enjoy brought peace of mind. that if i was to truly use humility as the gift it is, i could not see my progress as somethin i did without the help of others. that alone was key toward emotional health and spiritual progress. and with each i could learn to accept others so i could accept circumstances and later accept me. this didnt come at the snap of a finger, it took time, it took perseverance. i learned that it was ok to limp along as long as i learned from that limp and i grew from it. i began to actually feel completely in tune with decisions, thoughts, or actions in my life. i began to feel the harmony i had never felt before and had searched for all my life. i began to understand that what i knew deep in my heart may get clouded over by doubts, questions, other peoples opinions and judgments, and that it was ok to feel the emotion that these caused. that they didnt always make me who i was but helped me to be a better person within which helped me be a better person on the outside. i began to become emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually balanced. i had to hit those bottoms so acceptance could be taught to me. 1 day @ a time...