my daily reflections…

when i came into the rooms, i had no idea if gettin sober would work for me. hell man, i didnt truly even know if i wanted to get sober, i just wanted all the shit i was livin to stop. i was tired and wore out from all the chaos i didnt even know i was causin. those who had come in before me snatched my tired, wore out ass up and tried to give me the love i needed to get past me. they listened to me and showed me how they were given the opportunity to get sober. they shared with me their war storys and the methods of recovery they used to find inner happiness, so they too could get over themselves. some of them i connected with and some of them i didnt. but each one made a point to say hello, my name is.... each one shared how they were able to avert death and misery. their storys helped me, they told me the shit they went through and how this program of recovery saved their lives. they shared the keys to their lives and their happiness. they showed me how they were able to get over the terrible mental punishment they went through. with a little clarity from the fog of my alcoholism, i was able to listen, i was able to ask questions. as i learned of their lives, i could see myself in them. i began to want what they had and started to try to live the reversal of the life i had been so used to. as i thought of the ashes still left in my mouth from doin my dirt, i could see how those aims and ambitions i strived for didnt bring peace; i wanted to feel the inner happiness and peace of mind they had. it was time for me to stop limitin myself to those old behaviors and thinkin and move forward to somethin i had never had and wanted so desperately; the things i had always fought for but could never obtain through people, places, or things. the voices within, the old tapes that replayed in my head that were stumblin blocks to my self-fulfillment had to be smashed. it was time to take charge and have a choice as to what i wanted to think, to control my thoughts, my present, and my future. with their help i stopped the mental and emotional self-torture of thinkin i was a failure doomed to nothingness in life. those newly formed relationships are relationships i still have today. they made the conscious decision to become my friends in their recovery. today it is my responsibility to do the same with those who come into the rooms. its my turn to play a richer, more responsible part in formin new relationships with others who come in as baffled as i did. i get to share the honest disturbances of anger, jealousy, envy, self-pity, or hurt pride with others in the hope they get the inner happiness and peace of mind i was shown how to live so early on in my recovery. 1 day @ a time...