my daily reflections…

i reckon bein an alcoholic im susceptible to much of the emotions and negative thinkin i can dream up. yes, sometimes my own will, turns on me. self-pity becomes a naggin thought made up of, “why dont you have this or that?”, “why cant you make better choices?”, or “nobody likes me!”. these to me, are the deliberate manufacture of my own misery. and it doesnt mean that outside influences wont come and create troubles fer me either. but its my thinkin that turns any of this into anguish. im the best at beatin my own ass, period! just as this mornins readin suggests, these are the times i can use what recovery has taught me, ‘cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence’. shit like a gratitude list or rememberin where i came from before my recovery began. and there is always the opportunity to pick up the 1000lb phone and call my sponsor, a trusted friend in recovery, pray and meditate, or git my ass to a meetin. recovery doesnt promise me ill always be happy, joyous, or free; but it does show, and teach me, the solutions to my own, self-made, agony or grief, so i may live toward the healthier emotional character assets of happiness, joy, and freedom. ive learned, i cannot think myself into better, i must behave myself into better to transform my thinkin. 1 day @ a time...