my daily reflections…

today i have no problem realizin that faith in somethin greater than myself is a belief that i cannot live without. when in the past i would rely on overthinkin and tryna outsmart the problems i faced as i drank into ignorance, thinkin i was overcomin them, today i get the strength i need from simple prayer and meditation in an effort to use what is around me to live with peace of mind. all that drinkin i did when troubles came never really produced any fruitful outcome, i just did it so i didnt have to face the reality of whatever it really was. and most generally, the outcomes that came from the drinkin the day or night before, were consequences which worsened the original problem in the first place. idk if, or when, faith began to infiltrate my bein, but as i learned from the rooms, faith was somethin i needed to acquire so i could get over my alcoholism. i had to stop usin people, places, and things, and begin to rely upon God. the crutch of self-centeredness and egotistic reliance had to be shed, to be truthful, those attitudes and emotions of self-righteousness were only emboldened as i drank more and more. unhappiness with myself and everythin in my life couldnt be solved without learnin to use faith to gain hope in somethin different and better and vice versa. i had to forgive myself and get over the resentments i had with God. forgivin God for what i thought He had done helped me. as stupid as it may sound, and egotistical, forgivin God was an instrumental action that helped me to move forward so early in my recovery. it was time for me to show up and start usin mature action and be responsible for the consequences of silly resentments and try to make amends to God. that meant formin a relationship with Him and beginnin to use faith in each thing i tried or did. when i was drinkin i would try to control everythin, recovery taught me that the foolishness of that kept me from applyin faith in my early recovery. ive learned that when i try to control my thinkin, i have already lost control because my spiritual malady will not allow faith to be used. today i gotta remain teachable and faith helps to pave the way for future learnin. 1 day @ a time...