my daily reflections…

my sponsor at the time of my 1st 8th step inventory asked me what harm i had done to myself while out doin my dirt. i can recall this bein a surprisin question. i dont believe i ever thought how the shit i had done to others affected me til the later days of my drinkin. as i thought about this i came to realize i had hurt myself in ways which did twist the ways i interacted with others and how i began to conduct myself. ive written this specific daily reflection for 19 yrs. as i look back at the writins i get to see the evolution of the thoughts and behaviors as my recovery and spiritual awareness has grown. ive changed through the years and can see how, even still today, the memories are as vivid today as they were throughout. as my honesty has grown and evolved i can dig deeper into the truths of the reality i lived in the days of doin my dirt. my answer today is, yes, i hurt myself. i entangled delusion to meet my current demands of self. and bein honest, i must admit, even though my recovery has strengthened, i can still beat my own ass today just as hard as i ever could. bein responsible to self so i can be the best person i can for others and myself, i still have to use what ive learned to rectify, as best as i can, the harm i can create for me. just as i continue to live an amends for others, i continue to do the same today for myself. 1 day @ a time...