my daily reflections…

buildin a new life for me has been a process in humility. i couldve never understood the changes i needed to make if i hadnt been willin to surrender to my disease of alcoholism and accept the place i had brought myself to. it had me in so much anxiety ridden fear my only recourse was to ignore it as much as i could with selfishness, self-pity, frustration, self-loathin, and anger. and i had fooled myself into believin all of these emotions were nothin i put out toward others, they were turned inward so i could put on a false front of courage and strength to others. even as these characters did leak out, and i harmed others with em, comin into the rooms and tryin to change couldve never been done with mere sobriety. as i sobered up, i became the same person i was durin the days of doin my dirt, only more miserable coz i didnt have the false comfort of a whiskey jug. to change this i had to follow the directions of others less i die alone in misery! sobriety was NOT enough, i had to follow the dictates of my HP, stfu, and learn to listen on how to make this transformation into a healthy individual. the process of the 12 spiritual steps of recovery was what i needed, and what i did with the help of God and trusted friends in recovery. today i get to live happy, joyous, and free. 1 day @ a time...