my daily reflections…

i cannot say enough how blessed i am to have been able to suffer as i did in the last days of doin my dirt. as much as i didnt like it then, or even my early recovery, i understand today the self-induced pain i suffered from was necessary. and please, notice how i worded those two sentences. ya wouldnt have ever heard me say that while i was still in my last days of drinkin or even so early in my recovery. it was always somebody elses fault back then. but my story today isnt told the same as it was back then. it is a story of mostly self-induced sufferin, transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress, just as this mornins daily speaks of. to be able to live a life today that has a relationship with a Higher Power, to arise every mornin thankin Him for the opportunity of another day, to rely upon Him for the power to stay sober for the next twenty-four hours, to thank Him each night for helpin me to keep sober that day, and to understand that, in Gods hands, my dark past is the greatest possession i have, and the key to life and happiness for others so i can help them avert death and misery, is somethin i never would have dreamed i would be doin when i was this old. with mindful meditation, in its pure and classic sense, ive found my true self. i have awaken to the true nature and value of the present moment. to have been able to have opened myself up to the freedom of willingness to let go of all the concepts i have carried with me so i can discover who i am in this very moment, is a sure sign to me that though i may still suffer sometimes, i dont have to stay stuck in that suffrage. i aint gotta indulge in the obvious foolhardiness of self-defeatin risk, but i can allow myself to take positive healthy risks in recovery. when in the past i kept myself stymied and trapped out of fear of makin a mistake or failin, i can be vulnerable to new and excitin experiences that are the story of my recovery. i get to tell others of my spiritual progress with humility and integrity, offerin the same hope, forgiveness, and love i was given when i slithered into the rooms. my story is one of lettin go of fear of failure so i can experience success with healthy risks. when all else fails, the directions of an effective and useful life are in the big book. 1 day @ a time...