my daily reflections…

one of the main prayers of my recovery is the 3rd step prayer. early in my recovery, the more i said it, even more so, the more i practiced it, freedom became a feelin within that brought hope. it seems as if the more i surrendered, the more i used humility, bitin my tongue, keepin my big mouth shut, the more the spiritual principles became an active part of my life. i found that as i didnt do what i thought should be done, and typically doin the exact opposite, i began to feel a new happiness within that the 9th step promises tell of. it was the actions that began to change my behavior, which in turn, started changin my thinkin. not only tryin to do right, but actually doin it was somethin that in the past i may had wanted to do, but i rarely did. it felt awkward, but the more i did it the easier it came to me. i cant say i was doin Gods will, but i can say, with certainty, i wasnt doin mine. what i could feel within was, as i did the things i normally wouldnt do, i began to think less of self, and more of others. i couldnt tell ya then the emotions i felt, cause one minute they were this, and the next they were that. what step 3 did for me was further encourage the balance i had started livin. today, i understand all i just spoke of as, the miracle of recovery. the change within brought on by an act of desperation that had me openin my mind to other concepts and lifelong beliefs i thought id never change. and as i seen the things i was doin bring changes on the outside, i began to feel the changes on the inside. i learned that the quiet times of prayer, sometimes only sayin the 3rd step prayer, each mornin, throughout each day, and in the evenin, faith had started growin which brought the change of spiritual growth alongside it. i think back on those early times and realize that as confused as i may have been, i was learnin how to be the person i am today. the act of turnin my will and life over to the care of my HP without reservation, has proven itself out damn near 16yrs later. life is what it is. people are who they are. all the wishin and tryin and strugglin cannot change this. the less i try to make things the way i think i would like em, the happier i am and the more peace of mind i have. today i get to count on my HP to help me sort out and get rid of twinges and pangs of guilt, which, whether justified or not, need to be recognized and unloaded. when i live toward balance, emotional, psychological, and spiritual health, will always materialize when i properly apply the faith step 3 teaches me to use. humility is the ability to give up my pride and still retain my dignity. 1 day @ a time...