my daily reflections…

i can only describe in the simplest of words, that do not even come close, to the efforts i took to not have to face my resentments, fears, or past, while out doin my dirt. and if i would say that i didnt try to do the same in my early recovery i would be a straight up liar. i hoped that learnin how to live sober would help me get past them so that i could move on and never have to think or face them again. but i hadnt anything to help me when i first came in and the dark past still remained to haunt me. it was my hope that movin into that halfway house and learnin what others did to face themselves would help, but i didnt know so much work on my behalf would be necessary. my sponsor was the first one that took the time to sit down with me and help me learn what surrender was. surely there were those i listened to and heeded their advice, but my sponsor was the one that broke down his dirt and told me how recovery helped him. i learned that the emotions i had felt were much like the emotions others had felt too. i learned i wasnt alone. my sponsor, it seemed to me, told me of his past as if his life depended on it. and others in the rooms were also just as candid. i thought how can i be so straightforward and blunt about myself? as i stuck around that halfway house i learned there was much more i needed to do if i wanted to remain, just, sober. to get sober and stay that way, to feel the inner happiness my sponsor and others were showin me, i had to do what they did. i had to get honest, i had to have hope, i had to grow faith, i had to use courage, so i could achieve the integrity others were showin me i needed to live with peace of mind. it meant tellin another the shit i learned about me through my personal inventory. i had to constantly prepare myself if i wanted better things to come and be ready for opportunities when they appeared. and tellin my dirt was what i had to do. givin my worry to my HP was a beginnin to enablin myself to let the dirt i had stored pour out of me. if my eyes remained blinded with my worries, resentment, fear, and dark past, i wouldnt be able to see or feel the beauty of the sunset that others were showin me. as i used the sovereign remedies of hope and patience, these two sure reposals, helped me focus with a positive successful, “i can do this mentality”. with acquired faith i was able to be honest, open-minded, and willin enough to dare to set myself free by lightin my dark past. 1 day @ a time...