my daily reflections…

recallin the day i told my sponsor my 4th step inventory, he suggested i do as the big book suggests in the last paragraph on page 75. what i have experienced from that moment to now is what recovery says it has to offer. i wanna say today that idk if i did my 5th step right back then, but today, over 15 and a half years later, i must have done it good enough because i have over 16 years of recovery behind me. today i get to thank God from the bottom of my heart that i know Him better. i reckon i have built an arch through which i was able to walk a free man. i still feel that sense of relief after that 5th step experience. the tell of my personal inventory was a very fearful experience for me, but the healin tranquility from it has taken its rightful place and still dwells within me, alive and fervent. it was not a hardscrabble, it has given me the spiritual things i have needed. i needed to dare to suffer, to dare to conquer selfishness in myself, and dare to be filled with spiritual peace in the face of all the weariness i had ever felt. today i live the rewards of such hard work early in my recovery. when i shared my pain with my sponsor, i not only understood what made me who and what i was, i was understood. from those early lessons, i get to continue to share my emotions, and through those shared feelins, other people begin to share. we get to build a trust that develops a bridge of mutual understandin. ive learned the importance of needin others for physical and emotional support, and for a healthy exchange of ideas. even more, ive learned i need others for my spiritual development and growth. it has been my experience that my HPs love is unconditional and equal, often given to me through others as we interact. ive been able to truly learn about my spiritual nature in the lovin acts i exchange with others. just as my sponsor did with me that sunday afternoon so long ago. happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination. joy is in knowin there is an answer. freedom comes when i become honest, open-minded, and willin. 1 day @ a time...