my daily reflections…

when in the past i thought i, alone, had the power to make my own destiny, today i understand the folly of such thought. i thought i could do as i wished as long as it supplied me with the success i dreamed it would. and for a time i did ok. i did the shit i wanted and all seemed right. but then as pressures mounted within to strive for more even better dreams, i could not do it. ahh, i know what will take away my failure so i aint gotta think of it any longer, a drink, and a lil reefer, thats what will make it all ok. as life grew larger and failure did, accordingly, so did my reliance on whiskey and reefer. but i got this mannn, here hold my beer, watch this shit. even after vain attempts to continue to do shit the way i wanted, without the help of others, or any spiritual guidance what-so-ever, my life, run riot, began to harm those around me, givin them reason to retaliate. selfishness, self-centeredness, here mannn, hold this beer too, watch this shit. truth is, i could never do it alone. anything. as self-reliant as i was i didnt have the resources needed to put together anything because, i, always got in the way. recovery showed me through good, honest, and lovin sponsorship, how i needed the help of others to overcome me. when in the past i would shout, take my hand, off to never neverland, my sponsor and others in recovery shouted, here take my hand, off to recovery land. they showed me that with their help and the guidance of my HP i could turn all the failure i had lived into success. how i could use their strength to meet any situation when all i had was exhausted. then another one of the miracles of recovery happened, i began to see the strength my HP had, and began usin it. with the low self-esteem i had become used to livin with, they showed me how i could use confidence as i associated my HP with my life. how i could search for the spiritual path to a deeper understandin of self. how by learnin to use balance i could find time for both quiet meditation and healthy involvement with others today. i learned that if i took me, out of the equation that i could always love the best in others, and never have to fear the loneliness i had always seemed to crave. today, i aint gotta do this shit alone, here mannn, hold my starbucks grande house blend with a lil bit o ice, $2.86, watch this shit. 1 day @ a time...