my daily reflections…

when i have troubles where the solutions elude me and i start hearin self tryna tell me what to do about a situation, like go ahead and cut a bitch, sayin somethin derogatory about it or them, that bitch dont know me, who do they think they are, or actin out showin my ass, i immediately know its somethin beyond my control. im still human and do get affected by the negative side of emotions like self-centeredness, anger, hate, guilt, false pride, loneliness, jealousy, or overwhelmin self-pity. these ways of stinkin thinkin beg me to react with reactions to those fears within. these are the times of rough goin for me. they are when i need the rationality of what ive learned about myself through recovery. i need to rely upon my HP to guide me toward the design for livin that works in rough goin. takin the time to stop, if even for a quick second before runnin my mouth and talkin straight shit, provides me with time to reach out to my HP. even if the time is really quick, its still time enough for me to reach out in silent prayer, meditate on what ive received intuitively from my HP, and act in a manner that doesnt cause me or others more harm than necessary. for some it may sound silly, irrational, or unbecomin, but for me it is a time of savin grace. sometimes even walkin away so i may collect myself is the best answer. which ev the decision i make to do, reachin out to my HP or callin a trusted friend in recovery, is the proper action for me today. i get to persevere in my program when i stop. i get to prove to myself that i am not the same person i used to be. ive heard it said that great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance. with perseverance i get to learn strength and courage. when i acknowledge the power of my alcoholism, i get to take a step toward the design for livin the program of recovery directs me toward. i neednt allow the cunnin, bafflin, and powerfulness of self, or my alcoholism, direct me toward turnin somethin ridiculous into somethin that catapults me toward further self-destruction. i have to deal responsibly with sobriety every day, clean and simple. by always sayin a quick lil prayer, by learnin, through practicin the twelve steps how to cope with the problems that i used to look to alcohol to solve back in the days of doin my dirt, a simple reliance on my HP enables me to match calamity with serenity. 1 day @ a time...