my daily reflections…

when i first came into the rooms i needed to use willingness to open my mind to the new concepts recovery was teachin me. how could i say i was beginnin to gain a sense of faith if i kept my mind closed to the idea of a Power greater than myself? after i had done my 4th and 5th steps i had an understandin of just how God had intervened in my life; it was countless times. why didnt i fall to the fate of some of the crew i ran with while out doin my dirt? and of the questions of how and why did fate catch up to me and not those i ran with? the honest deep dive into what it was like, what happened, and what it was like after i came into the rooms was clear proof that the shit i thought i did or didnt do may have had some influence by me, but if i was to be thoroughly honest with myself, He had much more to do with it than i ever did. what i had always thought was either good or bad luck, turned out to be God always havin a hand on me without me even takin notice. when i took credit for the good, when i wouldnt take credit for the bad, truly had little to do with my ass. i learned that my ego and false sense of pride had built me into somethin that was super-human in my mind. it had become time to let that foolishness go. it had become time to give credit where credit was due. i had to open my mind even more and fall back to the God of my youth and accept that i needed His help. and as i had said, He was always there, even as i had turned my back on Him. just like the fellowship of recovery, i found that Gods unconditional forgiveness and love was available for me. all i had to do was reach my hand out. i began to feel within how thinkin clearly, sanely, was one of the rewards from workin and livin the twelve steps. reflectin on how i had behaved durin my most tryin times with my alcoholic thinkin, i felt within how much i needed my HP to move forward in my life. and seein just how He had been there for me when i wasnt helped me see how much i had grown in my early recovery. today i get to share my gratitude for clarity and sanity with others. today, havin thus cleaned away the debris of the past, i consider how, with my newfound knowledge of myself, i may develop the best possible relations with my HP, myself, and others because of a true, honest, faith, delivered by a mind open enough to be willin. 1 day @ a time...