my daily reflections…

within me today there lives a willingness to be everythin i thought i never could be, yet wanted to be, while back in the days of doin my dirt. i searched endlessly to get the sense of ease and comfort i have within today. i didnt know back then that it was always there. i had been taught through societies rule that if i wanted to be happy, i had to get as much material possession as possible. as my years ticked by, the happiness i was told i would get became ever so much more eludin. i sought for the manavelins of peace of mind in everythin i could think of. eventually i found it with the spirits of alcohol and drugs. as life would roll by i depended on it more and more and the God of my youth vanished before my very soul. i didnt need or want Him, alcohol filled the hole i thought He had left. i had been broken by my own self-will. when i came into the rooms drunk, a failure, and in utter defeat, recovery showed me another life of sobriety, peace of mind, and usefulness. it was with the work of the 1st, 3rd, and 6th steps that i learned that God had always been present, i was the one who wasnt. with the 2nd, 4th, and 5th steps i searched diligently within myself. and began to understand that i couldnt do it, live life, alone, by my own will. i had to use what was there all along, God. as i grasp the hands of others in the rooms i began to grow beyond who and what i had become into someone i had never been before. courage was the price that life exacted for grantin me the peace of mind i had always sought. all i had to do was be willin to believe in somethin i didnt think up. i had to affirm the courage in my life and use it. i have learned that an apparent easy path can become a long and sufferin way, and a roadblock to an openin into liberation. i had lost control and had turned my choices into self-will. today i get to live with freedom, with an understandin that the God i thought was never there, was with me all the time. i get to use and live His grace every day. 1 day @ a time...