my daily reflections…

willingness comes to me from many different directions in my life today. i have learned over my time in recovery that self-will, can be as nasty as i want it to be, or as healthy as i want it to be. through many personal inventorys, in both the 4th and 8th steps, i have found how i have used my self-will in negative ways to produce for others, and many times myself, outcomes that caused harm. i reckon ive learned that there are two sides to willingness. this mornins passage helps me to gain an understandin of how i used self-will negatively while out doin my dirt and how i can still use it today, with rationalization and self-justification, just as sinister. out of the use of self-will, used to feed a selfishness that was unhealthy, causin me to come to terms with who and what i had become, and forcin me to make a decision to go forward to the bitter end or seek help, came self-will that was a catalyst for me to find a new and better way of life. in the awareness of my failins, i have been made whole. from sufferin came a deepenin compassion, i had walked the roads of loneliness and abandonment, to come to a place in life where i began to seek understandin, help, and wisdom from the pain and sufferin so i could use it to turn it into an enormously powerful balm to heal. usin self-will in positive connotations, to acquire the willingness to listen, the willingness to grow, the willingness to believe, and the willingness to trust, i have turned what was once hopeless into hope. understandin my lack of power, changin my ideals, and reachin out in an act of desperation, i feel what i have been given today, and i am willin to use the opposite side of negative self-will to reach out and grasp it. when i think of the alteration from reliance upon self-will to gain personal wealth, in which ever form, to how i use it today, usin self-will to use His will to help me and help others, i am amazed at the miracle of transformation ive lived. today i get to keep growin spiritually as i use willingness to interact with my HP, self, and those around me buildin and strengthenin relationships instead of tearin em down. 1 day @ a time...