my daily reflections…

i was one of those self-deceived people back in the days of doin my dirt. i thought i alone could handle anythin the world threw at me. yet i can remember the fox hole prayers i would call and beckon my santa god to take over, promisin to live differently and always breakin that promise. and when that didnt work, over reactin, self-pity, lyin, and straight up ignorin fear as it stared me in the face after i had tried to drink it away seemed as it did. i reckon though i knew God could help me solve my problems of fear, i would ignore that even more relyin on self to fix it. it never worked, ever. today when i face the fears of normal life i still feel the defense of ego and pride well up within, but catch it, and do shit just a little differently. i still have some of the insecurities i did from back in the day, but ive taken a different approach to dealin with em. recovery has taught me that when i am humble and know my place, i can face fear with the courage and strength of the trust i have in my HP if i am willin to do it. the willingness to listen, believe, and grow are the acquired paths toward freedom from fear usin faith. the awareness that i aint gotta have all the answers, but need to be a willin pupil, means i use what recovery teaches me through the spiritual principles to learn a whole new set of communication, behavior, and thinkin skills to beat fear back down. when i use faith the rewards and challenges inherent from each developmental stage of my recovery, call forth illuminatin qualities from deep within me that i did not imagine i possessed. makin my HP a priority by bein fully present with Him and givin Him my time is a great bounty beyond what i might provide materially for my betterment over fear. am i cured of ever feelin fear again, fuck no i aint, only the fool i was in the past would say yes. it has been my experience that when i remain clean and sober usin the program of recovery, it is the best gift i can give myself over fear. i cant, God can, ill ask Him to. when i accept, begin, and continue, i overcome whatever comes at me usin trust and faith. 1 day @ a time...