my daily reflections…

the direction i have found in recovery is a direction i would never have followed while doin my dirt. it meant not doin what i wanted when or how i wanted to. i thought my will, the things i wanted, could be obtained by my ingenious plans and designs. it didnt matter the cost to another or even myself if the end result provided the happiness i craved within. as life went on and every plan i had failed miserably, i began to seek happiness from people, places, and things. i found alcohol to be one of the only things that created the soothin release of the hurt within providin me a view that everythin i was doin was givin me what i wanted within. it let me think the delusion of the illusion i seen feel complete. and then there came the time it stopped. it wore me out, tryin everythin i had to please my incessant cravin for self-approval. recovery has provided me a direction that allows me to be successful while i accept the failures that happen in daily life. recovery gives me the ability to use the things outside of me, that are proven to be successful, to help me feel that i am worthy of the life He has provided. i didnt understand what humility was before recovery, i had always thought it a weak will. ive learned that when i can use what is rightly provided, even if provided by anothers conception or idea, i can feel complete within. ive learned i can live a free lifestyle with the help of my HP and others in the rooms. i can experience a flow through my life into productiveness, into the conviction of lifes goodness i have always wanted to have and share it with another. with the self-searchin the program of recovery asks, the levelin of my pride from the results of self-searchin, the confession of shortcomins, and the work needed to amend them, ive learned what is needed to feel happiness within from the process required for successful consummation and growth of humility within. the solution was simple, the solution wasnt alcohol or joel, the solution was spiritual. humility was this alcoholics answer. 1 day @ a time...