my daily reflections…

it was through the 12 steps that ive been able to become the person i am today. i will be very honest as i write this, i never knew i could be who i am today. ive always felt “less than”. i reckon this stems from early childhood and at times i still struggle with the idea of, “am i good enough?” forever havin this underlyin, loomin, self-perception, i always tried to be someone i wasnt. it always caused frustration and confusion. my mind was always tryin to accept me and for some reason, i never could. ive done many 12 step personal inventories over my time in recovery. each time ive found some new piece, some strayin part, about me, i did not know. and if i did know it, subconsciously, i never faced it head on. to think of peace and serenity as somethin i missed out on is somethin i think about today. my mind was always searchin self-acceptance, forever tryina shed the loneliness, fear, and anxiety i felt within. relationships with others were, to be honest, nonexistent. how could i have a relationship with somebody else when i didnt even know how to have a relationship with myself. i always had to play up in my mind that i was somethin i wasnt, and this usually caused harm to others, and worse yet, myself. recoverys 12 step process gave me the progressive education of discoverin my own ignorance. it gave me the healthy sense of humility i needed so i could have a wider understandin of the truths about me. it taught me that spirituality was somethin i needed to have in my life so i could grow into a new person, someone i had never been. i learned i didnt have to use the self-knowledge i did have to protect myself from the challenges and inconsistencies of life, i could be human, i could be me. i learned that to not know was the beginnin of wisdom. as my spiritual power has enhanced within, my lifes trials are fewer. my struggle to accept situations, conditions, other people, and myself, or my struggle to control them, has lessened as ive grown. today with meditation and prayer, i no longer deprive my mind, my emotions, and my intuitions of vitally needed support. i get to surrender, tolerate, and accept me. ive learned humility, i know serenity and peace of mind. today, with a healthy sense of humility, i am the hero of my own life, rather than the victim. 1 day @ a time...