my daily reflections…

the 8th step inventory helped me to see how the character defects and shortcomins i learned about myself in the 4th step personal inventory played a part in the resentments and selfishness i had. this 2nd inventory allowed me to see how i had used those deficiencies and drawbacks to harm others and myself. i was then able to form a plan, with my sponsor, on how to move forward to make the amends necessary to those i had harmed. but, before i could approach another, i had to believe how what i had done was what helped to keep me emotionally, behaviorally, and spiritually sick. i needed to understand that by holdin these things within, mullin over them for years, only increased their intensity and added to the character i had which made me behave and think how i did. it was a lot to take. it was only through applyin the spiritual principles i had learned prior, that i could move forward with amends. this look backward was not attempted to forget, but an honest attempt to forgive. in my effort to do this, and as completely as i could, the spiritual awareness i gained helped to revolutionize my whole attitude toward life, toward others, and toward Gods universe. it was a clarity that gave the insight that my HP had entered into my heart and life. i could see how my movement forward would be aided by Him as He had accomplish those things for me within which i could have never done myself. i learned that by livin in the moment, just for today, right now, takin care of what was right in front of me, i set myself up for success. with the look backward, and a clear concept of what lay in front of me, i didnt have to procrastinate the events that would come in there time. i could let the guilt of yesterday or the fear of tomorrow go with the knowledge that what i needed to do to grow better wouldnt be done alone, He would be with me in my efforts to communicate and rebuild relationships. even as i made mistakes in this inventory and the amends i did, i still did them. it taught me how to better perform each task within step 8s concept of brotherly love. to be tested was good, it was with those challenges, life became the best therapist. i learned that what lay behind me and what lay before me were tiny matters compared to what lies within me. 1 day @ a time...