my daily reflections…

part of the process of healin self was my willingness to approach another and make an honest amends for the ways i had harmed them. a simple, “i apologize”, would not fix the problems i had within nor repair the damage i had done to the ones who loved me the most. i had to have the willingness to do what was entailed in their response to my questionin, “how can i put into action the apology i am tryin to make? what would you like me to do?” thats some tough shit man, cause i had no idea what their response would be. isnt this whole recovery thing about fixin me so i can become a person with integrity? i recall an amends i had to make to my stepfather. i was young, and though i never really did anythin like, steal, lie, or cheat him out of anythin, the resentments i carried for years where what caused him harm. they grew as i mulled em over and over and over in my head. he wasnt even aware of the anger or hate i had for him. he never abused me physically or sexually, but the emotional abuse from his words and actions toward me caused me to think and say things about him for years into my adulthood, harmin his character whenever i had the chance. my sponsor told me this was an amends i had to make. to be very clear and honest with ya’ll it was one of the hardest ones i had to do. i recall writin out my amends to him 5 times before my sponsor approved me to call him and make the amends. one of the readins i follow said this mornin that i should be able to have a life and have it more abundantly - spiritual, mental, physical, abundant life - joyous, powerful life. well, makin an amends like i did with my stepfather helped me to secure those things. today when i practice mindfulness, i get to be aware of the gifts my HP and recovery have given me for doin a few simple suggestions turned to requirements. each one, even the ones that have taken me years to do, have given me what the promises claim they will. as i continue to repair the damage livin as divinely as my HP would have me be, i get to grow toward bein more like Him. gettin into action is what recovery asks me to do if i want to heal from the days of doin my dirt. the amends processes of step 8 and 9, provide me an approach to self-healin. this thing we do is not somethin i merely join, its a way of life. 1 day @ a time...