my daily reflections…

sometimes i get to thinkin i dont deserve what recovery offers me. these times come when i begin to let feelins of guilt, self-pity, and loneliness block the communication i have with my HP. i have learned through recovery to not let my contact with Him be broken for too long a period. it is foolish of me to take what He offers me and then let it go when i start to feel emotionally or spiritually better. when i voice these times to trusted friends in recovery i get to experience the sympathy, understandin, knowledge, and companionship that the fellowships wisdom offers me. for it is with them i get to understand that the drama i am tryin to create for myself, by overreaction and commiseration, isnt helpful to my recovery and only aids in nestlin myself in the emotions i felt before my recovery began. with the experience and wisdom of the fellowship i can understand how it is essential to my healin that i do not perpetuate my own emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse. recovery has been gifted to me so that i may heal the memories that cause these feelins of low self-worth, not by changin them, but by makin peace with them so i am free to live in the present. if i dont practice the self-forgiveness and love God has gifted me, how can i live, have peace of mind, or remain free. am i to continuously take back the shit ive already worked through, to find His grace and love, so that i may move forward or am i to overreact to it and indulge in unhealthy old experiences and patterns of behavior and thinkin with commiseration and maudlin guilt. recovery has guided me toward gettin down to causes and conditions. i dont feel recovery can have a permanent effect unless i at once follow its suggestion/instruction with a strenuous effort to face, and be rid of, the things in myself which have been blockin me. goin half the way only causes unresolved harms to be recycled and keep me sick. when i let the unconditional forgiveness and love God expresses in my life, providin me with the wisdom recovery has given me, i get a power within that helps me manage the unmanageability i can create within. 1 day @ a time...