my daily reflections…

there was a time in my life, and even into my early recovery, when i would blame others for the shit that happened to me. i couldnt see past me doin anythin wrong. i could pick the fault out in others and totally disregard my own. if bad shit happened to me, i always had the “why me’s?” while lookin for a quick scape goat to blame. and when that didnt work, and some realization that what had happened was my fault, out came the jug. and then the blame game went full tilt and the ticket to the blame train was readily bought. finger pointin and doin whatever talk i could do to criticize or ridicule someone else to make me look and feel better was par for the course. doesnt everybody delight in hearin the dirt on someone else, even if its made up? after bein in recovery for a lil while i began to see how this kind of thinkin and behavior had always kept me emotionally sick. listenin to others in the rooms tell of their own doin that were much like mine helped me to see how much of my life had been lived without acceptin any responsibility for my own actions; the things that went wrong and caused me problems. and then the dreaded 4th step! and then the dreaded 8th step! with each of these inventories i learned just who and what the fuck i was. usin the spiritual principles over the years have helped me live beyond the days before my recovery began. its taken time and ive failed as much as ive grown. though i can still fall into the trap of self-proclaimed righteousness, ive learned how to use honesty, humility, and integrity to heal from my weaknesses and use them to grow my strengths. today im eager to identify and let go of my character defects and make room for my character strengths to flourish. eager isnt exactly the word i would use in the beginnin; anxious is more like it. but the more i work these steps, the more i experience the joy of findin my new and improved self. im grateful for the good friends in my life that help me by callin me out on my own shit. ive learned i cant do His will my way, i have to surrender, and i even have to make mistakes so i can continue to learn. 1 day @ a time...