my daily reflections…

recovery has offered me a way to find peace of mind. it has taught me how to shut off the committee in my head that could never find agreement on anythin. all i could ever get from the constant argument within was confusion. i could never decide what was right or what was wrong. obviously, i had been taught as a young un the things that were right or wrong by my parents and school, but i didnt know how to calm the wants or desires to be myself. when i was myself, i often said or did the wrong things. i had always thought i was to get, be, or do the things that made me happy. when i did, it always seemed to harm another, always causin me some sort of trouble too. i didnt know or understand what selfishness was, or what it even meant. i thought it was just me tryina get the things i wanted or felt i needed. as the years went on in my life, without ever tryin to resolve the misunderstandins i had, confusion, or bewilderment, caused the thoughts within to become complicated causin me turmoil. not only within did i feel these emotions, often times they were acted out behaviors that were not becomin of good nature. and not knowin how to control or manage any of it, alcohol always seemed to provide an answer. recovery helped me form a relationship with my HP. i learned that my will was the problem and recovery helped me see the workin out of Gods will in my life. i learned how to be content with whatever He willed for me. i learned that givin rather than always gettin, was somethin i never honestly did. if i wanted to be positive and creative, which affected my attitude and behavior, instead of bein butthurt all the time, i had to practice the gift of generosity. this i found was key to shuttin down that committee upstairs in my head. i had to do life someone elses way, not mine. i discovered how generosity was spiritually rewardin. in my old life i was busy givin orders, makin demands, and directin others. now i find it is time to try to listen and just be still. happiness isnt gettin all i want; its wantin what i already have. from all of this today, i have solace for confusion. 1 day @ a time...