my daily reflections…

i have learned that if i am to forget my history or fail to learn from the history of others, i am doomed to repeat it. my history has shown me through painstakin personal inventory that the egotistical and sanctimonious reliance upon self i had while out doin my dirt only created a monster within that grew as time spent feedin it ticked past. i started to believe that only i could be the savior of me and that all others were mere pawns to be used in satisfyin the demons within. goin bout my business, i stepped on the toes of others and they retaliated. never understandin that i was the one to be at blame, i subconsciously, and often consciously, caused controversy while tryin to enforce upon others my own specification. as i craved peace and contentment, i could only find it if i made someone else feel like i felt within. “there, that will show ya bitch!” recovery showed me how to take those broken pieces of the jigsaw puzzle within and piece them together so i could find their correct position. it taught me to accept the things i could not change, gave me the tools to learn the courage needed so i could change the things i could, and showed me how i could use the wisdom i had learned through the experience of my past and others, to know the difference. i was able to learn how even though i felt like shit on the inside it was not my job to make others feel as i. i learned that makin others as unhappy as i was only created worse emotion within. as i took all this newfound knowledge and fell further apart, those who came in before me stood by my side and helped me put it all back together again in useful and effective mechanisms. i began to feel that avoidin controversy by bein a useful member of society, turned all that unhappiness within into happiness. as i strengthened the relationship i had begun formin with my HP and others, i began to experience the changes in my whole attitude toward life and others. i began to feel the freedom i had always craved, the relief of the bondage of self was a miracle. today i get to continue to grow in the awareness of self and the ways i can contribute to others, rather than take for some kind of sick pleasure. the more i become honest with myself, continuin to learn how to overcome and grow from character flaws and shortcomins, the more my HP helps me become less fearful of the world around me. the solution was really quite simple, it couldnt come from me, it had to be a spiritual one provided by the works i put in faith. livin in true peace helps me persevere. 1 day @ a time...