my daily reflections…

there is somethin to be said about intentionally avoidin controversy. well, sit right back and ill spin a yarn on how recovery has taught me how to do it. before my recovery began, as stated before, controversy was somethin i craved. i always needed it while drunk or high, it seemed to provide me a reason for my own existence. when i wasnt high or drinkin, i ran fearfully from all who might try to challenge me. i didnt have time for anothers shit and would strive for intended loneliness; i had other shit i needed to tend to, like creatin my next escape from reality. recovery taught me how my own selfishness and self-centeredness had me designed for controversy whether drunk or high. and as ya can finger out, that type of lifestyle tore me up on the inside and caused me to seek the unhealthiest behaviors. self-righteousness, while tryina force my will through my life, impressin upon others, without their consent, my will, drove me deeper into my alcoholism seekin the only relief i could find, a reality that alcohol or drugs created. because of recovery ive been able to see these unstable behaviors and how they effected my thinkin. ive learned how to not turn a deaf ear to the urgin of my healthy conscience. ive learned that even though some of my character may seem an unhealthy selfishness, there is a healthy side to it too. i can be myself and have an opinion without tryina shove it up anothers ass. havin a healthy image of self with good natured opinions helps me to create a positive self-image and supports a robust individuality. i can live the freedom recovery has created for me while remainin vulnerable with the strength & courage to grow a strong emotional intelligence and spirituality. just as there is somethin to be said for avoidin controversy, there is another to be said for emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual stability. spiritual growth involves a connection to people, the world, and a higher purpose than myself; self-righteousness is a loud din, raised to drown the voice of guilt within me. peace of mind comes with my ability to persevere, pickin and rightly choose my battles today. 1 day @ a time...