my daily reflections…

before my recovery began i felt the things that went on within me. resentment, fear, anger, hate, frustration, self-centeredness, just to name a few, but i didnt know what to do or how to relieve myself of them. i may have been taught how to let loose of these things throughout my life, but due to severe selfishness, i had forgotten them or simply just didnt do what was needed to live free of them. what i did find that worked was anythin outside of me. people, places, things, all provided the release i sought. and wouldnt ya know it, as selfish as i was, as i threw me into each of the material entities outside of me, my character only worsened the resolve i wanted to find. recovery, in particular, the personal inventory steps, showed me how when i was resentful, i was resented. how when i couldnt love people, people could not love me. all the revengefulness in my life was a powerful poison in my system. i had to learn how to rid myself of my resentments. i found that my own pride and selfishness were my greatest blocks. recovery and the relationship i built with my HP helped me learn how to get out of the way so Gods grace could flow through me so i might have better affect with the lives of others i interacted with. i learned how to keep the channel open, free from those things that make my life futile and ineffective. i learned how to let go and let God. i learned i only had control of me and that all the shit i had tried to control in my past, and even now, in my present, only helped me to create the chaos within that was played outward in my life. when i learned the problem and could then know them, i didnt have an excuse anymore. learnin the emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual problems couldnt be a reason anymore. it was now time to use the solutions recovery was teachin me. lettin go and lettin God is one of the tools of solution i get to use today. it was my own story that helped me learn who i was. it was the story of others who helped me learn the solution to the pollution i created. when i keep myself in the results business, one of my main tasks becomes makin my best effort to heal self. the results of peace of mind are the added benefits. acceptin, beginnin, and continuin forward with recovery motivates me to keep me goin, but discipline is what keeps my spiritual awareness growin. all i gotta do is rely upon my HP, the steps, and the traditions. 1 day @ a time...