my daily reflections…

since my whole life before my recovery began was totally focused on me and my wants and concerns, now that i am in recovery and tryin to break the patterns of self-centeredness and self-righteousness, my focus after i have found out some of the grosser handicaps my alcoholism created and how i may use spiritual principles to overcome them, is to focus on how i may be of service toward others breakin my unhealthy habit of self-service. ive learned that its not that self-preservation is a bad thing, its just how i used it before my recovery began. i built up walls for protection that created unhealthy boundaries that hurt others and eventually began harmin me emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually. when i can take the focus off of me, placin a healthy focus on helpin others, i open a door for repairin the damage i have done to others and self. for me, these adjustments were difficult and i needed the relationship i had built with my HP and the fellowship of recovery to help me. breakin self-will aint for the faint of heart, so to speak. it takes an aspect of surrender and vulnerability that i didnt know i had within. to be so humble, to learn how to use spiritual principles that seemed so foreign, so bewilderin and terrorizin, took a total breakdown of character and relearnin of how to live a life that is successful and productive. the 1st steps idea of honesty, in particular, self-honesty, helped me tremendously. i had to learn how to smile even when i didnt want to. and its not that i was tryin to lie, its just that i learned that when i change my behaviors, my thinkin starts to follow. so, smilin was a first start. it was a form of service toward others that eventually had me sheddin my sunglasses so others could see the spirit of my HP glow from within outward. this all may seem very elementary, very basic, and unwittin, but for me, learnin how to keep my big fat mouth shut offerin only a simple smile in reciprocation to anothers identification, helped me start the process of constant thought of others and how i may help meet their needs. im blessed today with many days of recovery behind me, many days of helpin others because i started to break hard learned character faults by simple actions. my hope is to continue even when simple actions grow difficult. i started this process recovery offers not to acquire, but to become. all i can do is continue to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and when im ready, ill be ready. healin self will reveal itself through recovery with a willingness to persevere. 1 day @ a time...