my daily reflections…

today i dont have to feel like or live in the deadly and terminal uniqueness of isolation and loneliness. i have a decision to make that allows me to be a part of somethin greater than i. when in the days of doin my dirt i felt an importance to flaunt my free will and try to make myself stand out amongst a crowd, i only succeeded in the rejection of the crowd which in turn made me want to seclude and isolate myself from the healthy gregarious inclusiveness needed in my life. recovery taught me, and most importantly, showed me through personal inventory, just how flawed my actions, behaviors, attitudes, and thinkin were. i had made myself what i was and who i had become. it was very soberin and horrifyin just exactly how honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness revealed the reality of what my life had become. becomin free from the duplicitous, self-misogynistic, and unrealistic existence i had lived, i began to yearn for the liberty the unknown results of recovery offered. prayer and meditation were a vital part of the early steps that would show me how a sense of belongin was a healthy emotion. as the self-centeredness began to be released, the world that used to revolve around me, with me at the center, i slowly began to care less about my own needs, desire and selfish pleasure, my own way, and myself, than i did about the whole rest of the world. prayer and meditation allowed me to begin to feel a part of, rather than apart from. i began to give of self as faith and trust in my HP and others slowly began to fill me. unity opened my mind, heart, body, and soul to a different way of life. i began to understand that if i let people know i was truly lookin for advice and was open to suggestion, that it would change my action, behavior, and thinkin, which still continues to this day. my motives have changed as a result of a sense of belongin. fear of the unknown, has diminished, as my faith and trust, have given way to the strength that free-floatin anxiety provided me with. experience has given me the wisdom to understand that often times i am seldom conscious of how my faith is guidin me. i simply act and react to situations which used to baffle me to the point of freezin up. with an unconscious response, that shows others and myself the rewards of prayer and meditation later, each time i offer my services to my HP and a friend in need, my own faith is strengthened. character becomes what i am and reputation becomes less important as i grow in belongin. contemplation can turn into decision, decision can turn into action, action can turn into behavior, behavior can turn into who i am. spiritual awareness then becomes a livin entity within me allowin me a sense of belongin. 1 day @ a time...